i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
