he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
