I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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