whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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