Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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