Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
