I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
