He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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