oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
