Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
