who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
