just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
