i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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