maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
