I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
