I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
