My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
