dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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