Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
