Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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