Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
