I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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