He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
