she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
