i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
In America we eat man semen.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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