you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
