There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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