You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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