You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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