Little spoons don't ask big questions
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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