He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
