aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
