I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
