Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
