Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
