I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
