did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
