The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
