You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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