Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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