Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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