ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
