My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
