My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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