Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize