She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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