They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
