Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
