Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
