she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
