I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
