Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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