I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize