That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
