if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
