Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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