I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
