You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
