Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize