her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
What drink are we having for lunch?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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