She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
