just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
