Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
