I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
