I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
